Formula One of pain
This is a dumb thing I (Salamander) started to do after we in the Discord came up with the most miserable grid we could inflict on everyone in 2005, and then I kinda just took the grid and adjusted the real-life results based on vibes, more or less.
The key rules I try to follow shift over time - for example, in 2005, Jarno Trulli was not to win a race under any circumstances. However, that eventually changed in 2008 because I'd shifted him over to McLaren to replace Pedro de la Rosa, because it eventually got to the part where if it wasn't Trulli, it was going to have to go to Timo "Is that Glock!?" Glock for freaking Toyota. Which is fundamentally more fun and excited for fans and we can't have that in a series run entirely on pain and misery, can we? :P
The core tenets though, are that top drivers like Fernando Alonso and Kimi Räikkönen, who are (at least today) generally quite popular, are prohibited from attaining any sort of sustained success, and will be placed in the most frustrating situations possible (i.e., Alonso being sentenced to death by Toyota corporate management, and Räikkönen stuck in BMW Sauber for years before having to go to the misery 2010s Williams). Drivers who are generally disliked, such as Lewis Hamilton and Sebastian Vettel, get all the success where possible. Though, I will note here that I did make the executive decision to avoid Hamilton winning a title before he got to Mercedes, just to try and sabotage his credentials a little more. This also results in the likes of Ralf Schumacher winning the 2006 WDC - because the alternative there was Mark Webber, and I'm sure you'll agree that would more broadly be seen as a feel-good moment than Michael Schumacher's less good brother winning another fucking title in the 2000s for Ferrari.
Additionally, Ferrari must be subjected to the most uninspiring passionless drivers you can imagine - think post-Williams Ralf Schumacher and Nick Heidfeld, that's the vibe that must be maintained at all costs. Ferrari is, of course, always a subject of passion and excitement, so we need to keep the Tifosi in their place by subjecting them to an endless parade of perfectly decent drivers who will never excite you no matter how well they do.
Also Eddie Jordan never sells his team, and will continue running as many 90s drivers as he can, serving as a Retirement Home for the Boys. Why? I dunno, seemed funny at the time.
Hope you enjoy!