Alik Mori
Alik Mori is not related to Barii Mori
Alik Mori (born 30th February, 1973 in Pingelap, Pohnpei State) is a Micronesian racing driver. His son Jayleen is also a racing driver.
Early Life
Alik Mori attended the only school in Micronesia. As such, he developed some powerful connections, as he knew every other kid in his age group in the country. After all, there were only 400 kids in Micronesia eligible for school, anyway. After becoming the first Micronesian to watch the BBC's coverage of Formula One, Mori became hooked on a sport that would become his first love.
Career
Early career
Using his well-earned connections from his schooling days, Mori became the only Micronesian in possession of a fully-functioning go-kart. Mori will tell you he imported one from Australia, but legend on the islands says that he simply slipped the cheif of security at Micronesia's airport a few dollars, and a go kart miraculously fell off the back of a plane a few days later. Mori started racing in the All-Japan Kart Championship in 1980, winning the title in 1988 and 1989. He then moved to the Japanese Formula Three championship, finishing 2nd in 1992, beating future F1 driver Jacques Villeneuve. Naturally, this meant that Alik was better than Jacques Villeneuve in every form of motorsport that exists, and even some that don't.
Life GP Series
Mori moved to Europe the next year to compete in the Life GP Series with Life of Namibia. He finished a strong 4th on his debut in Argentina, helped by other car's retirements, followed by 3 DNFs and another point at Canada.
Post-racing career
Following Alik's racing career, he chose to return to his native Micronesia, where he was a national hero loved by all, and subsequently became President-for-life.
Results
Complete Life Grand Prix Series Results
| Year | Team | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | DC | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1993 | Life of Namibia | ARG 4 |
BRA Ret |
VEN Ret |
USA Ret |
CAN 6 |
IRE Ret |
GBR Ret |
NED Ret |
GER Ret |
POL Ret |
AUT Ret |
ITA Ret |
FRA Ret |
NAM Ret |
JAP Ret |
MAL Ret |
IND Ret |
NZL Ret |
AUS Ret |
MAC | 30th | 4 |
Mori Facts
- Alik Mori once visited a Starbucks whilst in Sydney, and became the first Micronesian to have a latte.
- Mori once had a fillet-o-fish in McDonalds because they were out of Big Macs, becoming the first Micronesian to eat a Fillet-O-Fish.
- Alik Mori was the first Micronesian to ever use a computer, something which happened completely by accident as he mistook the keyboard for a typewriter (it was quite dark).
- Alik Mori is the only Micronesian to know that wrestling is fake.
- Legend has it that Alik is the only Micronesian to say the word 'flabbergasted' before 12:30 pm.
- Whilst in Japan, Mori came across a fax machine. Thus he became the first Micronesian to touch an electronically printed document.
- When he retired in the 1993 Life GP race in Venezuela, Alik Mori became the first Micronesian to ever retire in Venezuela.
- Alik Mori is the only Micronesian in possession of a working microwave, despite rumours on the island that the little spinning plate and humming sounds are the work of their religion's devil.
- Alik Mori is the first ever Micronesian to engage in conversation with a German about sausages.
- Alik Mori currently has the largest spoon collection in the whole of Micronesia, currently standing at seven tablespoons, two teaspoons, and one of those ornamental ones that no-one ever remembers buying.
- With a total of 3 cars, Alik Mori accounts for 46.79% of all car ownership in Micronesia. Only 7 other people in Micronesia own cars, apparently.
- In some parts of Micronesia, there is a religious sect that passionately believe that the entire universe does in fact revolve around Alik Mori.
- Alik Mori has Micronesia's biggest collection of video tapes. Even if he owns just one video; the movie "Teen Wolf".
- Alik Mori has stalled a car more times than the rest of the population of Micronesia has even sat in a car put together.
- During the 1993 Life Grand Prix of France, Alik Mori was the first Micronesian to have a bandage applied whilst on French soil.
- Alik Mori once went on holiday as a young boy to the Welsh town of Barry, where he was, for various reasons, temporarily nicknamed 'Barry' - thus making Barii Mori a cheap imitation of the real thing.
- Alik Mori was the first - and so far only - Micronesian to say the word 'lel'.
- Alik Mori was the first Micronesian to be offered employment by a Belgian-registered organisation for anything ever.
- Only a fool passes up on an opportunity to run Alik Mori in a racing series.
- Alik Mori is too good for Rob Lomas Racing.
- Alik Mori is the only person from Micronesia who knows what an ice hockey is.
- Rejects-1 has had to severely limit the abilities of the Lotto Racing car in order to prevent the entire field from being embarrassed by the greatness of Alik Mori.
- Alik Mori was once offered to become head of the Illuminati, but turned down the role as it would interfere with his racing career; Mori thus remains to date the only person, let alone Micronesian, allowed to have intimate knowledge of the Illuminati without ever being a member.
- Andretti Autosport planned to run Alik Mori in their fifth car for the 2015 season. Unfortunately, IndyCar management blocked the move as they saw little point in having a season where the Micronesian driver won every race forever.
- Alik Mori, despite being Micronesian, has spent more time in the Vatican City than all the Nicchis put together